If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
