The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
