I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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