Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
