and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
