If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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