Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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