Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
