he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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