I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize