Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
