I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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