you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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