Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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