oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
only you would photoshop your dick
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
