Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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