Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize