I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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