i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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