come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
