haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
