i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
