He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
