I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
