she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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