his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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