How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i would punch a child for taco bell
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
