Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
