Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
