i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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