Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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