Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
