Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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