a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
