I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
