Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
