Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
