how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
