He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
