Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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