I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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