names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
