Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
