their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
