I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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