I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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