Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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