i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
