I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't deserve a penis
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
