I'm really into asian looking animals
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
