my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can you bring me the toilet please
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
