i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
