I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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