So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
